Gen. 10 – Alma. Chapter Twenty-Eight

TW – Loss.

You know that moment when you’re around construction for too long and your ears start to ring? That hum that dulls all other sounds in the present scene was exactly where I was. I was sitting on an examination table at the doctor’s office. My mother was sitting beside me, gently stroking my hand as my doctor was talking at me. The ringing was so loud, my body was buzzing.

This was not the domino piece I was expecting.

After arriving at my parent’s home, my mother took me to my doctor. The pains I was having were in my abdomen. I thought I had eaten something bad that upset my stomach, but I became more alert when I started spotting. I didn’t want to think about it. I was supposed to be past the point of concern. I was beginning to tell people. No, this wasn’t right.

The buzzing was unbearable, but so was the pit in my stomach. I couldn’t hear it. I didn’t want to hear it.

“Miss Wells,” the doctor said, “Alma, do you understand what has happened?”

I shook my head slowly. “No, because this shouldn’t happen now. I am sixteen weeks pregnant, almost seventeen. That’s not right.” I couldn’t even cry, my body felt like TV static–buzzing, numb.

“Unfortunately, you’re correct, this doesn’t happen often. There may be a handful of reasons why what we call a ‘late term’ miscarriage occurs. We can absolutely look into this for you, however, right now…,” the doctor paused and pulled up a chair to lower to my level. “We should discuss the next steps. This is difficult and we cannot begin to imagine what you may be feeling…”

“Will I see….them?” I whispered. Mom squeezed my hand a little more firmly. “Are they….?”

The doctor nodded. “At this point in a pregnancy, the fetus is formed. They are small, but that is why we would require a procedure to process this event. Would you like a moment? I can come back with some literature on what we can do today.”

I didn’t even bother answering, they walked out. I was left alone with my mom, who had tears streaming down her face. She was silent. I still felt numb. I didn’t believe it. I was just talking about being excited to start our next chapter and how this was a welcome surprise in our life. Now to have it taken away? Was the universe really going to be this cruel?

“I’m so sorry, Alma,” Mom finally uttered. “I…”

Anything else that she said fell deaf on my ears. I allowed myself to slink into my clouded thoughts.

My world seemed filtered, muted, quiet. I felt like I was just floating along the moment. I went along with whatever procedure needed to be done until I was sent home with my Mom. I had never felt that kind of pain. I felt my heart breaking like it was violently being pounded in my chest. How could I feel the pain, this heartbreak for something that wasn’t here in my arms, and yet I felt like I had known and loved them forever.

The entire day I felt like I was seeing myself from a bird’s eye view. I saw my mother coming and going from my side. She applied cold compresses to my forehead, helped me to the bathroom, brought me food and water. I felt like an empty shell, but the second blow to my heart came as a reminder when my phone failed to stop going off.

Mom wiped the tears that slid down my cheek and onto my nose. “You don’t have to say anything right now, love. You need to rest right now.”

While I agreed, Sabin had to know. I reached across the nightstand for my cellphone. On it, I saw 10 alerts. 2 Emails. 1 message from Dani. 7 texts from Sabin.

The pit fell deeper into my stomach as I unlocked my phone and began to read each message. Sabin was in training and wanted to let me know that he loved me and the baby. He was finished with training and counting down the remaining few days before he would officially be coming home. He couldn’t wait to see me. It was all messages like that. The ones that brought up the baby just hurt more. How could I do this to him? He was so proud of himself and doing so well. He had struggled for so long to do something he loved and to work with people who understood his past. I couldn’t do it.

“I can’t tell him now. Not right now,” I whimpered. “I don’t want to be the cause of his stress.”

Mom rubbed my back gently. “This is not your sadness to carry alone, my love. This does not rest lightly on anyone’s shoulders. I can promise you that. He will hurt and so will you, but you will get through it together. Take your time right now, but he will need to know.”

She was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it at that moment. Each time I started typing my message to see if he was free for a call, I felt the pain all over again. I worried how he would take it. I knew he loved me, but would he still feel the same knowing what happened? I would almost understand losing the baby at the start, which is why he kept the news quiet all this time, but at almost 20 weeks? I started sharing the news. Now I just felt stupid.

After coming out of the bathroom for the tenth time that afternoon, I sat down on the bed and took out my phone. Rather than texting, I just started a video call with Sabin. Chances were that he was busy, but this forced me to share our sad news. I hoped it would keep ringing, but he picked up after two rings. Wow…record time.

“Hey Alma! You must have had a busy day! Did work call you back for one last assignment before you open up your shop?” He joked, but his smile very quickly faded from his lips when I did my best to keep my eyes away from his on the screen. “Are you alright?”

“No,” I uttered. “I’ve been trying to tell you all day today, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak or write. Sabin I–” I took a look at the concern in his expression before exhaling deeply. My hand found its way to my stomach. “I started getting some really bad pains today while meeting with the realtor. I thought it was bad food, but then it started hurting more. I started bleeding at Mom’s house…”

He didn’t say a word.

“I lost our baby, Sabin. They died before I could even feel them move…I couldn’t do anything…”

I was amazed I could even get those words out without bursting into hysterics. Ah, I understood now. I needed to tell him before I could finally break down. I cried, wheezing between sobs that shook my entire body. Saying those words for the first time felt like a brand new wound. I couldn’t look at him. I put the phone down at my side and curled up on my bed. I pulled my knees as close as I could without pain.

Without looking at my phone, I heard him sniffling.

“I’m so sorry, Alma. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

How could anyone answer that? No, I wasn’t okay. No, it wasn’t okay that he wasn’t there. Nothing about this was okay. We didn’t plan on this. We certainly didn’t hope for this.

We both cried that evening, but it felt freeing to finally let myself feel the loss, the pain of losing our baby. I didn’t care about being quiet or getting snot all over my shirt. I was hurting. We were hurting. I was allowed to fall apart at this time. I didn’t talk to Sabin more after that. I didn’t want to do anything else other than cry and sink into my childhood bed. When I was exhausted from my own weeping, I heard the door creak open. It was Mom. She was back with another cool cloth and a change of clothes.

“Hello, little love,” she whispered as she approached the bed. She noticed the phone and frowned. “Sabin?”

He sniffled hard, “Mrs. Wells…”

She picked up the phone and placed one hand on her heart. “I’m so sorry…”

He nodded. “I’m going to be home tomorrow. I’m catching the next train.”

The audio on the phone was loud enough for me to hear from the bed. I lifted my head and wiped my eyes. “What are you talking about? What about your training?”

Mom turned the phone to me so I could address him.

“You can’t do that. This was your dream.”

He cleared his throat and tried to get in a word while I kept on going on about how hard he was working for this. “Alma–please,” he paused. “I can leave. I talked to my recruiter and they will be able to work with this. He’s confident in what I can do, so I can get started once I get back home, to our home. I refuse to be away one more day.”

All I could do was agree and let him make that decision.

—

The pain of loss doesn’t go away overnight. It doesn’t go away in a week, a year, or frankly, ever. It gets easier to wake up each day but that pain shapes us. It changes us.

Sabin came home the next day and he didn’t leave my side. By that time I had to let Dani know that we would be at my parents a bit longer before we moved the rest of our things out into our rental. Dani offered to be with me but I needed some space.

In time, the pain did begin to fade until it was rooted in my bones. It wasn’t raw but I always carried it with me. It was a part of me. Each day that went by helped me get out of bed earlier. I started getting back on track with my flowers, and I started to see the sunlight again.

This was me. Alma, the heiress to a family legacy. I didn’t even think I deserved it anymore.

How could I make my family proud?

Sabin and I focused on our work and home. Our love was strained but we held on. Suffering loss together stressed a relationship which made it difficult to talk about the hard topics. Our baby wasn’t planned but it was so wanted. So what would happen if a baby was actually planned? I couldn’t even think of it.

Almost one year after our loss, I finally got the keys to my own flower shop. I poured my heart and soul into my business. It was the needed distraction for me to grow and heal. I think that’s why I always loved gardening. I loved caring for living things. Plants required care too and seeing them grow and thrive fulfilled me.

Sabin was such a huge support in helping me get set up and he spent every moment he could with me at the shop after his own work. Somehow he didn’t get tired of me.

“I’m proud of you, Alma. This place looks beautiful.” Sabin stepped forward to put his arm around my shoulder. “I think this is going to be such a great experience for you.”

“For us,” I added. “This is just as much yours as it is mine.”

Sabin turned to face me and gently brought his hands to my face. Everything that happened to us in the last year, all of that hurt rested in our gaze, but within it also held so much love and willingness to take the hurt on together. I loved him but lately, I felt like we didn’t really have time for each other in that way. Taking that moment to just stop and look at each other, I felt my eyes well up in tears, ones that came from a place of love.

“You are everything, Alma,” Sabin smiled and leaned in to kiss me. It was sweet, soft, and melted me right back into his arms. I felt like we hadn’t embraced each other like that in a very long time. I missed him. I missed the feel of his arms around me.

“I love you, Sabin,” I spoke into his shirt. “I couldn’t get through this without you.”

Gen. 10 – Alma. Chapter Twenty-Seven

“There goes another pair of pants,” I sighed, tossing my jeans over my shoulder. My waistline was finally showing me clear signs that I was pregnant, which left me with mixed emotions. It was awesome to see myself changing, but a little sad that Sabin wasn’t able to see each and every day. I sent him pictures and videos, just to make sure he didn’t feel left out. While he was out, I did start working on packing up our apartment. Our lease wasn’t up for a little bit, but we did manage to find someone to move into our apartment in our place while we were working on a temporary situation in St. Claire. I was already working on securing a storefront to make my flower shop dream a reality.

With Sabin gone training in Bridgeport, I found myself spending a lot less time in the apartment and more time in St. Claire. I was working on securing a rentable home or apartment that Sabin could just come home to. Luckily, if things weren’t ready by the time that Sabin would be back, we could still live in our apartment. It just so happened to be that our renters were very close friends of ours.

“Knock knock, pregnant lady!”

I quickly pulled up some shorts and walked to the front door. Beyond it was my best friend Dani with her husband, Otto. He was back at their car as he had to pick up more of their stuff to move into the apartment. Oh yes–those two became inseparable in college and it never stopped. After graduating, they got married quickly and spent most of their first years of marriage traveling.

“Dani,” I opened the door and welcomed her in. “Nice to see you, friend. Been a while.”

“Yeah, yeah,” She marched in and tossed her bags to the side. “Enough of the greetings. Let me get a look at you!”

Laughing, I gave her a quick spin and pulled up my shirt enough to expose my stomach. “I still just look hella bloated.”

Dani responded in laughter, “Like that I haven’t pooped in 5 days bloat?”

I nodded. “Basically.”

“Oh, but it’s so cute! Otto’s been dropping hints for us to settle down and have kids. Not gonna lie,” she admitted, “Seeing you like this does make me think about it more. I’m really happy for you, Alma. And hello? Pregnant and moving? You’re doing all the adulting things at once!”

“Oh yeah. Let me say, I wouldn’t exactly recommend that especially with your partner training away from home. I miss Sabin for sure, and it would be nice to make sure I’m not forgetting anything. I’m telling you, baby brain is a real thing and apparently, I got it early.”

“Lucky for you, I’m here early to help you out. Did you two find a place to stay?”

I nodded.

We got lucky that a house was available for rent in St. Claire, but it wouldn’t be available for another couple of weeks, which meant that I would spend some time at our current apartment and also at my parent’s house, which they were thrilled out. Ideally, we wanted to look into buying a home, but I really didn’t want to do that on my own and rushing into such a purchase wasn’t a good idea either. With us starting a family, we had to be extra careful. My flower shop was still a work in progress, but that was a purchase and investment made prior to finding out I was pregnant. Despite this, I didn’t want to stop and decided to push on with meeting with retail realtors to find the perfect location for my shop.

Today with Dani over, it was an opportunity to catch up. It was a much-needed break from packing and obsessively checking my phone for updates from Sabin. Plus, it was an opportunity for me to reacquaint her with the area she would be living in for the remainder of our lease.

“Your feet hurt yet?” Dani asked as we strolled down the sidewalk. “I remember my Mom basically living in those slip-on flats and having Dad ice her feet. Can’t say I’d be thrilled about that. I barely let Otto touch my feet as it is.”

The thought of her squirming from Otto amused me. “Um, no, not yet, I guess. I haven’t really felt anything aside from my pants not fitting the same way anymore. I do hope I can get a lot of stuff done for the flower shop before I actually need to limit what I normally do, ya know?”

She stuck her hand in her pocket and I loosely linked my arm with hers, “You’re doing it, Alma. You chased your dream and you’re going to freaking do it. I’ll be sure to be your first customer.”

“Thank you…”

“But, with you pregnant, have you and Sabin talked about the next steps for your relationship? I mean, it’s cool having a kid and all that jazz, but he isn’t sneaking around for your ring size yet?”

That question was one I heard many times. I heard it when Sabin and I moved in together, when we attended our friend’s weddings, and even now that I finally started letting more people know that I was expecting. We never really discussed it, but I had to admit that it would be nice to get married. Our relationship faced many hardships from the start and each of those moments still left me wanting to build a life with him. I thought that if we could get through those moments, then we could make it.

“No, not really,” I uttered, but quickly put my hand up before she shot back. “And that’s okay. We have a lot going on with Sabin looking for a new career. Plus, I’m still working here and there at a few greenhouses to help diagnose and help plants get better. It’s some money, but not enough to have saved. I don’t want any other financial pressure on top of what we’ll have soon.”

“Good God, you’re still working, and now the baby?” Dani asked.

I nodded. “Baby is just chilling and cooking right now. I’m getting some work done, Sabin’s training for a new career. We’ll have time for all that other stuff.” I couldn’t help but smile. My friend meant well and I had gotten used to not following a series of “socially accepted” life steps. Sabin and I were marching to the beat of our own drum and frankly, it was less stressful that way. At least we thought so. I worked hard on making sure I was there for Sabin and he was there for me, too. That to me was commitment enough.

Our wandering around town finally settled on a cafe to grab something light to snack on before finishing our day at home. Seeing Dani never felt awkward no matter how much time we spent apart. We always reconnected immediately and simply picked up right where we left off. While we snacked on pasties, we laughed and talked about the ridiculous antics of her husband around the world. It made me so happy knowing that Dani was living her life with someone who absolutely adored her. We talked about her sisters and my brothers, and our darling friend Gia. It had been a few years since we had a reunion. I suppose life just kept us busy, but our group text was always buzzing with daily happenings or at least ridiculous memes that kept me laughing daily.

But seeing my dear friends in person always gave me such a boost–there was no doubt about that.

“Have you seen anyone else since you’ve been back, Dani?” I asked. She’s been all over the world it seemed, so her opportunity to run into more of our family and friends seemed more possible.

“I did actually check up on Claudine and Kaden in London. She’s trying to convince me that she has a British accent after living there for 2 months.” Dani mimicked her sister which was quite silly, but it felt so good to hear an update on Kaden. I texted him and called him every now and then, but hadn’t seen him in person since he moved to England to continue his studies. It was nice to know that he and Claudine were still doing well. They were always so cute. I honestly thought they would get married before me and well, that may still happen.

Our conversation about family continued for the rest of our meal, the walk back to our apartment, and back at home, too. Talking with Dani never seemed to have an end. There was always something to talk about, but when there was a pause, even the silence felt comforting. That entire day was a much-needed distraction from counting down to Sabin’s return as well as getting everything ready. I was so grateful for Dani and her husband–Sabin’s best friend, Otto. We got to spend the evening together watching stupid movies, laughing at nonsense, and enjoying the present moment.

—

After Dani and Otto fell asleep, I wandered upstairs with my laptop. It was late in the evening and I wanted to check in with Sabin. As much fun as I had with our friends, I wanted to connect with him too. Being away from each other like this–we hadn’t done that since school when he had separate breaks. I did worry about him and wanted to make sure he was still doing alright.

I dialed his number and selected to make our call a video call. The call rang for a few seconds before I heard it click. When the screen loaded, I saw Sabin upside-down.

“Aw shit! Sorry–hey, lovely!” He grinned. Gosh, just seeing his face brightened my day, especially now. What worry I had washed away immediately.

“Hey you! How are you? How was training today?”

“Great!” He went on the explain how his instructors were teaching him server maintenance and troubleshooting various computer issues. He was so happy to be working again and just seemed so excited about the job opportunity.

“What about you? How are you feeling? Do you feel anything yet? Did I miss the baby moving?”

“Oh no, the baby wouldn’t want you to miss that. I’m just getting fat waiting for you here,” I smirked. “We’ll see if you recognize me when you get back.”

“Hah! Good! Eat all the food you and the baby want. Then when I come home, I can take care of all of us. You’ll grow your flowers and I’ll be your IT man. Everything will be great. “

I admired his excitement. It actually calmed me down, but sometimes he did get that. He rode a high of things going well. After all that he had been through, I was going to let him enjoy that. How could I not? We had everything to be happy about. The only thing that was missing was being in each other’s presence. Sleeping beside each other. For now, I had to make do with a large pillow that I kept beside me.

“I miss you,” I blurted out in between his description of his training. “I’m glad you’re doing this, but just reminding you that I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Of course, Alma. I miss you too. Every night. I’ve been watching our shows, but all the funny parts aren’t as good without our joint commentary.”

“Well yeah–how could they be?” I agreed. “We’re literally the best comedic duo.”

We talked into the night, laughing, joking, and speaking of our hopes for after his return until I felt my eyes give in to fatigue. Sabin watched me floating in and out of sleep and I playfully scolded him each time.

“I’m not sleeping! I’m not tired! Can you tell me more about your work?” I asked and responded until I finally drifted off to the sound of his voice.

—

The next day felt a lot more wild than yesterday. Dani was running in and out of the house with Otto as they were getting their things in at least temporarily. They had a system and it seemed to work, so I simply focused on what I needed to do on my own. I let them handle it and reminded them to contact me if they needed anything at all.

My day, however, was a little less hectic, but still full of appointments. I was finally going to be meeting with the retail realtor I had been going back and forth with. They notified me of a vacant space that I would hopefully be interested in. I admit I was a bit picky in choosing, but this was going to be my passion and my livelihood. I needed it to reflect my vision properly.

“Miss Wells,” the realtor greeted me as we approached the building together.

“Mr. Ashton, it’s great to see you. Is this the place?” I stopped to look at the building up and down. There were windows that stretched from the ground up. I fought the urge to picture myself setting up succulent displays by the window. There were still so many details to figure out and if my offer would even be accepted. Regardless, I allowed Mr. Ashton to guide me inside.

He stepped in front of me and turned around to face me. “As you can see, this space absolutely has incredible potential. I know you’re looking to open up a flower store, so picture this–” He walked around and started painting the picture for me of what the space could hold.

“Wow, this is a beautiful space. Is there a back room or any additional space for a greenhouse?” I asked and followed him around. I must have been getting a bit too excited because I felt my stomach tighten. Come on now, baby, we’ll sit down in a second.

“Well, this space can be available as soon as next month, but I do have to let you know that multiple parties are interested as well.”

I felt another pinch in my stomach at the thought of having to make a big decision. I shared my finds with Sabin, but this was huge. Was this space really my dream space? Would there be anything better?

“Um, Mr. Ashton, are there any other spaces like this available? I’m not entirely sure that I can make this decision today.”

He nodded, “Sure thing. Why don’t we come into the office here to go over the details of this space and then we can schedule some other viewings?”

I followed him into the back office, taking a look behind me at the empty space that could potentially be the home of my flower shop. Just maybe. When I did sit down, I wasn’t sure if it was my nerves or what. I couldn’t get comfortable. Mr. Ashton pulled out a folder full of information on the space, but I couldn’t focus. He was speaking and the words fell mute on me. I tried my best to look like I was listening to try and snap myself out of whatever trance I was in. It wasn’t long before I had to stop and interrupt the realtor as politely as I could. I felt sick, but not like I was going to throw up, just pain.

“Any questions?” He asked until he noticed me shifting uncomfortably. “Or, would you like for me to send this information over? Perhaps we can reschedule?”

“Yes,” I quickly nodded and promptly apologized before grabbing my things and walking out. Something didn’t feel right. I wasn’t sure what to think, but I knew something was off. As I swiftly walked back to my car, I tried to dial Sabin’s number, but each time I got his voicemail. Next, I tried my Mom. I was closer to her than I was to Dani. Luckily, she picked up after a few rings.

I didn’t even let her speak before I whimpered. “I don’t feel well, Mom.”

Gen.10-Alma. Chapter Twenty-Four

Our fun weekend with Gia eventually had to come to an end, but rather than it being bittersweet it was simply sweet. We knew we’d be back together before we would know it. Summer break would arrive soon and we would have plenty of time to hang out together. Luckily, Gia seemed a lot more relaxed heading back to her campus. We all needed some quality time and it certainly helped all around.

Next on my agenda was heading back home for the weekend. I talked to Mom almost every day. Whether it was for an hour or sending a quick text—we always communicated. With my workload being a bit lighter than usual, I figured it would be nice to head back home for a bit. I could pick up my favorite snacks, and of course, do my laundry. I was hoping that Dani would also come along, but she already made plans with Otto (of course).

As it turned out, our late night visitor wasn’t some random solicitor, but Otto. He couldn’t wait another moment of Dani thinking he wasn’t interested in her and finally decided to make it official. Dani and Otto were finally dating.

I honestly should’ve put my money on that relationship.

“Are you sure you’re not coming this weekend?” I asked while stuffing my laundry into my backpack. Dani, of course, was already getting ready to head out. “I’m bound to see your family at some point.”

“I told Mom that I have a project to finish up, so I’ll probably head back home next week.” She turned around and allowed for her hair to fall at her shoulders. “Kinda bummed you can’t make it this weekend. And you,” she said pointing to Sabin who was laying on my bed. “I’m surprised you’re not going with Alma. Her Mom adores you.”

Sabin sighed and hugged one of my pillows close against his chest. “Yeah, I wish I was, too. I’m really behind on my business class due to my absences, so I’m getting a chance to catch up.”

Dani shrugged and walked past me to pick up her bag. “Well, Otto and I will be at the schools film festival. Sabin, you’re always welcome to join.”

“Thanks, Dani.”

She held up her hand to her lips and jokingly talked aside to me. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he’s staying loyal.”

“Oh shut it,” Sabin exclaimed before rolling off the bed to make his way to me. “I am always yours, Alma. Hope you know that. Don’t let Dani fill your head with lies!” He smirked before kissing the top of my head.

“Of course I believe you. Dani loves to mess with me, but that’s also why I love her.”

As I looked around the room, I did a count of what else had to be done. Aside from gathering my laundry, all that was left was for Sabin and I to make it to the train station so I could catch the Amtrak. I admit that I was sad that Sabin wouldn’t be there with me, but at least texting him would still be an option. I knew he’d help me get through the long train ride back home.

“You got everything?” He asked quietly before leaning over to rest his head on mine.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“It’ll be a great time,” he assured me. “It’s your family. You love them.”

“And I love you,” I smirked. “I hope you get some time to rest, too. I know how you get when you’re playing catch-up. Please eat and get enough sleep.”

Grinning, Sabin leaned down and planted his lips on mine. “You always take great care of me, but have a fun weekend. You deserve that, too. Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure?”

“Can you seriously stop by Dani’s family’s diner? Their pastries are like crack. Been craving them.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that before getting out of the car. “You got it, buddy.”

“Literally love you even more for this,” he announced before sending me off with one more kiss.

My train ride was long, as expected. Our tickets were stamped and I had to do was keep my mind occupied for the next few hours. While there was no special event going on at home, I figured it would be a nice time to stop by. I missed being at home without the chaos of party planning. Mom would always be in such a frenzy, so I was hoping to have a nice relaxing weekend with my family.

Finally, I was home.

“Hello?” I called into the house. “Anyone home?”

Silence.

I walked inside and noticed that the house that I was used to definitely went through plenty of changes. And I thought that only humans went through a mid-life crisis. Needless to say, my childhood home went through more remodelling that I ever expected. I mean, the living room? There was another room right next to the kitchen. Was I really gone that long?

Before I could even think about venturing upstairs, I heard the hushed muttering from the kitchen.

“I didn’t expect anything else, you know?’

“Oh, stop it.”

In the kitchen, Mom and Aunt Arecia were chatting softly. I was still able to make something out, but it wasn’t enough to join in on the conversation. Rather than commenting on the new decor in the kitchen, I was more excited about the fact that Aunt Arecia was there. Between her being super mom and overall awesome human being, it wasn’t often that I saw her while I was at school.

“Um, hello?” I smirked. “Sorry to be intruding, but just wanted to say hello!”

“Alma?” Mom’s smile was spread thinly.

Aunt Arecia shot out of her seat quickly and rushed to me. “Oh my! What a surprise!”

“I’m so glad I stopped by today! Wow! I missed you!” I exclaimed and threw my arms around her.

We soon traded compliments that were sweet enough to give a child a cavity. But I couldn’t help it! Aunt Arecia was one of my heroes next to my mom. No surprise there–they were the best sibling duo.

“This is such a wonderful surprise,” she said again. “But I’m sure that you’d like to say hello to your mother. I’ll be in the living room, okay?”

“Sure!”

When my aunt made her way to the living room, I figured I’d snag a few moments with Mom. After all, I made the trip to have some bonding time with her. She seemed surprised to see me despite me sending her multiple text messages accompanied by a flurry of gifs. I suppose her sisters visit kept her from checking her phone for the majority of the morning. Bright side was that I made it while they were actually at home and not out somewhere.

“So, I see you guys also remodeled the kitchen and every other inch of the house?” I pointed out. “Must admit I was worried I was breaking and entering–without the breaking.”

Mom’s exhale was long, but she confirmed. “I suppose we made some changes. The house needed some freshness. I’m sorry for the surprise..”

“Hmm?”

“I-uh–I didn’t see your text that you were coming over this weekend. I must have not gotten the notification.”

I had to admit I was a bit amused that Mom was so down about not getting my messages. She was a kind soul. That much was true.

“Hey, it’s okay! It happens. I just wanted to see you and I had some free time this weekend. Sadly, Sabin couldn’t come, but he sends his best wishes.”

Mom nodded and turned away to grab the tea kettle. “It’s okay, love. I’ll just get some drinks ready for us. Why don’t you go catch up with your aunt before she has to head out to pick up your uncle..”

I couldn’t say no to that.

“School is going well, I take it?” Arecia asked when I plopped down on the couch.

Her eyes looked more sunken than usual, but their spark was still there. Ah, the glow of our ancestors was definitely still there.

“Of course. It’s been tough, but I think it’ll be a good end to the semester. Just a bit nervous about what comes after graduation. This whole adulting shindig is not exactly that easy.”

Arecia bowed her head and nodded. “It absolutely isn’t.”

“But what about you?” I asked excitedly. I had been away for months and it felt like I had missed years. I wanted to know everything, every detail.

Before she answered, she spent a good moment studying my expression. Her sincere smile tightened before it began to fade.

“What’s going on?”

“Your mom didn’t tell you, did she?” Arecia sighed. “Guess this makes your visit that much more of a surprise to everyone. I thought…”

“Thought what? Tell me what?” I didn’t like waiting for news. My anxiety wasn’t something I often doubted.

I could hear Mom stirring her creamer in her coffee from the kitchen. The silence in the living room was so strained that I was beginning to feel restless. I reached out to touch my aunt’s shoulder. Were things not okay between her and her husband? Were her kids okay? I couldn’t think of anything else–it was driving me crazy.

“Mom? What’s going o–”

“My cancer is back.”

The lump in my throat dropped to the pit in my stomach. As she began to explain, her voice began to fade. Her lips kept moving, but my mind was replaying each moment we experienced as a family when my aunt went through her first rounds of chemo. Support poured from every member of our family and while it was difficult on her, she pulled through. She went into remission. The light in her eyes returned.

I looked at her again and fought the quiver in my lips. The light was indeed still left in her sunlit eyes. She had strength that even my mom didn’t have. Mom even knew that–she admitted it on many occasions.

“Alma?” Aunt Arecia started. “I’m sorry,” she smiled, “it’s not exactly light news that you want to hear when visiting home during a stressful time in your life.”

“That’s nonsense,” I sniffled. “Tell me, when do you start chemo? I’ll be there. Every appointment. You won’t be alone.”

She shook her head. “Honey…”

Mom was already in the living room, but wasn’t saying anything. Not a word. Why was I just hearing about this? I wasn’t some distant relative who just popped in for the holidays. I was the damn heiress of this stupid family and one of the most special people in my life was hurting–again!

Aunt Arecia was looking at Mom before she got up from the couch. “I will not be going to treatment anymore, love.”

“W-what?” I stuttered.

She was smiling, but how could she?

“It has spread quickly and it is much too advanced for me to even consider treatment. Plus, I felt more dead than alive when I was in chemo. You saw me, Alma. You all saw me. I’m trying more medicinal routes now, but I’ve fought my fight. I’ve–”

“N-No!” I cried out before flinging myself onto her.

“I’m not fooling anyone, especially myself. I’m enjoying each day that I have with the people that I love. Please don’t cry…” She begged.

It was hard not to cry. How was it that she was keeping her cool and I was crumbling before her. She was insanely strong and I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

Fighting the urge to cling to her, I stepped back and wiped my eyes roughly till I felt my skin grow hot from the pressure. “How are you feeling?” I finally asked. “I mean, are you hurting?”

She shook her head slowly. “I have my good days and my bad days. I take it one day at a time.”

“But,” I whimpered. “I don’t want to miss anything anymore…”

“Of course, love,” Aunt Arecia nodded and kissed the top of my head when she embraced me. “Don’t you worry. I’m not giving up. I have to see you graduate and open up that flower show, right?”

I sniffled. “Y-yes.”

As I stood, still petrified from the news, I watched Aunt Arecia make her way past me to saw goodbye to Mom. They whispered something and before I knew it, Aunt Arecia was out the door.

After she left to go pick up her husband, I didn’t say a word to Mom. I grabbed my bag from the hall and retreated upstairs to where I hoped my room would still be. Luckily, it was. Sure, there were some changes that were made to it, but the bits that really made it my room were still there. I needed some familiarity to think about what happened earlier that afternoon.

It was a nightmare.

It couldn’t be right.

All my worries that I had about growing up and moving out…

How could I say all that?

My loving aunt wasn’t even thinking of that anymore. She wasn’t getting treatment anymore. I couldn’t comprehend the reason when I knew so many people loved her. Her kids, her husband. Us.

It was insanely painful to think about losing a loved one. Grandpa passed away and it was painful enough being at his funeral. But Arecia? No! I couldn’t even think of that. She was a fighter; she was strong; she wouldn’t give up.

I swiped the thought from my mind and swayed in my seat until I heard my bedroom door creak open.

I didn’t have to turn around or even ask to know it was Mom standing behind me. The aura was tense and guilt-ridden.

“Can we talk?” she whispered. Her voice was hoarse as if she spent the last hour crying.

Honestly, I didn’t want to, but I wasn’t about to kick her out of a room in her own house. Technically, I was just a visitor now, so I got off the swing and dragged my feet to my bed. At least the soft covers would comfort me.

“I made sure we kept your room as close to the original as possible,” she said. She never was too good at breaking the ice. This was no excuse and I wasn’t going to let her just brush it aside.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Mom?”

What small talk she wanted to make was not going to happen.

“I tried,” she admitted. “I drafted message after message and tried to bring it up during phone calls, but Alma-” she whimpered. “How could I when I can barely bring myself to admit this is happening? She’s my sister. My only sister. My best friend.” I heard her voice crack before she collapsed at my bed. “I spent all this time trying to convince her to go to treatment.”

I quickly sat up and reached out to touch her hand. “Why won’t she?”

“She was miserable in chemo…”

“But she beat the cancer,” I pleaded.

Mom nodded. “Believe me, I tried. Your dad tried. Your uncle tried. We all did, baby. We all did.”

Hearing that still didn’t make me feel better, but I heard the pain in her voice. I did feel bad for assuming she was keeping the news from me, but it was impulse. It hurt and I knew I needed to take it out on someone. She had a point. Aunt Arecia was truly a strong woman and a weak person could never make the decision to just live out the rest of their remaining days.

“I’m sorry, Mom…”

She nodded and wiped the stray tears from her cheeks. “I am, too. It’s not how I wanted your visit to go, believe me. We’ll figure this out, but we have to respect her decision…”

“What?”

Mom nodded. “As much as it pains me.”

“What about Grandma Atoli and Grandpa Crescendo?”

Mom shook her head. “They’re not taking it well, which is to be expected. What parent wants to outlive their child? Anyway,” she sniffled and got off the bed. “I just wanted you to know I didn’t want to hide this. It’s just something I haven’t come to terms with yet. I love her and she has been my rock since forever. I can’t think of a world without her.” Mom kissed the top of my head and exhaled slowly. “I’m going to speak with your father. Just please try to get some rest…”

I couldn’t.

When Mom left, I wandered around my room until the emptiness finally began to annoy me. My old books, my plants–everything began to make me cringe and despise the space I was in. I walked out of my room and down the hall where I could hear the faint sounds of laugher.

I knocked on the door and entered.

“Hey Kaden,” I started. “Can I join you?”

He looked past his shaggy hair and nodded, patting the empty space on the couch.

The moment I sat down I felt some relief even when it involved watching ridiculous stunt videos with my brother.

“So, you heard.”

Gen.10-Alma. Chapter Twenty Three

My race around campus was leaving me out of breath, but it finally brought me to our dorm. The first floor was relatively vacant with the exceptions of a few students walking around in search of an afternoon snack.

“So you call me over and then nothing?” I mumbled before I felt my body nearly topple over at the force of someone jumping on me.

“Surprise!!”

I never spun around so quickly as I did then. Luckily, it wasn’t some assailant trying to end me, but rather my best friend who was chilling/studying on the other side of the country—Gia!

“Oh my god!” I shrieked and immediately wrapped my arms around her. “Are you seriously here?”

The moment I hugged her, I only hoped she didn’t catch a whiff of sweat. Mine of Sabin’s. God, I needed a shower.

“Yes, girl! It’s really me! In the flesh!” Gia posed before looking me up and down. “You look a bit all over the place, no offense. What’s going on?”

“Are you the reason that Dani was blowing up my phone?” I grinned, finally putting two and two together.

“Oh shit. She did that, huh?”

“Gia, I ran.”

“Fuck. Yeah, let’s get you all settled. Dani knows how to make someone panic, huh?”

I rolled my eyes as we walked up the stairs. “You have idea.”

There was no doubt that Dani was already in our room. Clearly she was getting a kick out of it, but it definitely didn’t compare to what she was going to hit me with. As expected, Dani was hanging out on the couch with a wild grin plastered on her face.

“You made me panic, jerk!” I said, tossing my backpack at her.

“Well, you left me no choice, honestly. “

While I expected Dani to analyze my appearance and my lack of response, she played it cool while we caught up with Gia. We talked about school and how time was flying quicker than either of us anticipated. I mean, before we knew it, we were on the brink of graduating. Last we knew, we were shopping for school supplies and now we were all hanging out just like old times. I loved them. I truly loved them. But of course the catching up would always ended and we ended back in the present moment.

“Okay, so are we going to talk about Alma’s sex hair?” Gia smirked.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. “Yeah, okay. Sabin and I had sex.”

Dani’s face lit up as she flung herself at me. “I have been waiting for you to say that! Girl! YES! Alma Fucking Wells got some!”

“Oh hush!”

“Can’t. Can’t. Was it good? No regrets? How’s that body though?”

Gia sat down and motioned for me to continue.

Was I like that when I found out Dani slept with her boyfriend (at the time)? Ah, the natural bestie curiosity, but I understood. So, naturally, I told them how it went down from point A to point B. The memory was still so fresh in my mind. The way his body moved, the way that I felt when he touched me, and god—the way his lips curled when he heard me moan. I loved every bit of it and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The entire time Dani snickered and Gia responded by nudging her to the side so I could keep talking.

“It was honestly great. Um, my cooch is definitely a bit well…”

“Sore?” Dani sighed.

“Amen, girl.” Gia agreed. “What stinks is that you feel similar discomfort when you don’t sleep with someone in a while either.”

I didn’t even want to think about that. Frankly, I was done talking about myself and ready to move on to the guest of honor.

“Gia, so what’s going on with you? I think I missed your message about you coming for a visit. Greatest surprise might I add, but is something going on?”

Gia shrugged and leaned back on the couch. “I needed my girls. I think it’s time for a girls night. I am ready to dance-“

“TAKE SHOTS!”

I rolled my eyes at Dani.

“Yes, Dani is right. You don’t have any plans with Sabin, do you?”

I shook my head. “Not that I’m aware of.” Which was true. “I think he’s just wondering what’s going on since I ran out of his room with my pants barely buttoned up right after we had sex. Think that sent a good message?”

Dani smirked and spun her phone around like a sheriff in a cheesy western. “All in a day’s work.”

If I rolled my eyes any harder, they would have landed in the back of my head. “But no, I don’t think we have any plans. I’m all yours.”

So, it was decided that we would go out, and it would be the full package. We would get all dolled up and hit the local bars where Dani and Gia were bound to let loose. I wasn’t much of a dancer like they were, but after a few drinks, I always loosed up. Then, and only then was I a good dancer.

I waited till almost the last second to get dressed. I watched Gia and Dani pick out their clothes instead, and well, checked my phone.

Just checking you’re OK

            -Sabin

I quickly responded to him, letting him know what happened and what we had planned. I had to offer some explanation since it looked like it was something much more serious when I ran out. Had to give him some piece of mind that everything was fine. Once I was able to get that across, I quickly rushed to my dresser to pull out what I deemed as appropriate “clubbing” clothes before running to take a quick shower.

I showered as quickly as I possibly could, but Gia still came in to keep me company.

“I’ll do your hair, okay?”

“So, how are things at school?” I asked while Gia brushed my hair.

“Ah, you know,” she sighed. “It’s a lot of hard work, but I love it. I’m excited to be finished because frankly, I couldn’t imagine living out there all alone. My family is all here and so are you guys. What about you? Do you have plans to spread your wings and float on away?” she smirked with one arm around my shoulder.

I honestly didn’t know. I hadn’t thought out my future quite that far ahead. All that I was focused on was keeping my plants alive, Sabin in touch with me, and my grades up.

So, I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Gia soon applied the final touches to my hair before coming around to look at me. “So, this Sabin guy—he’s the real deal, huh?”

Flushed, I asked her what she meant.

“You love him?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

Once those words left my lips, Gia stepped away from me and grinned. “You know, I’m really happy for you. You’ve really changed quite a lot since high school.”

“Really?” I tilted my head to the side and looked in the mirror. “Maybe my hair?”

She smirked and nudged me. “You know what I mean. “

Maybe I did.

“You’ve opened up. Of course your passions are still very much part of who you are, but you’re just glowing now. The couple of boyfriends you’ve had since middle school, none of them even match the look you have now.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that observation. She had a point. Sabin was definitely the first man I loved and one I actually considered as a special part of my life. Heck, he’s the only guy I introduced to my family. That had to mean something, right?

Trying to steer the attention to Gia, I leaned against the counter and clicked my tongue. “So, come on, is there someone special in your life? You’ve made your observations about me already.”

Gia adjusted her top, making sure her “girls” weren’t popping out, before responding.

“I don’t really know how to answer that question, so for now I’ll say maybe.”

When there was talk of feelings, Dani was never far behind. She walked into the bathroom and exhaled. “I think someone needs to spill the beans!”

Gia wagged her finger in Dani’s face and stuck her tongue out. “Not until I’m three shots deep!”

“Three?” I asked.

“I’d be talking silly after five, so this is a nice balance.”

“Well, shit! Let’s go!” Dani proclaimed before rushing out the door.

Our campus wasn’t so much about the clubbing scene, which I was secretly thankful for, but we did have some cool bars. The DJ’s weren’t too shabby, which mean hangouts like this were quite fun. We dressed up for the occasion and we were definitely ready to get the evening going. As promised, three shots in, and Gia was already letting loose. Dani was close behind while scoring us free drinks with her shameless flirting. If only our parents could see us now. Knowing Mom, she’d just join in. I guess I didn’t have the guts to do something like that.

“So, you promised,” Dani said while sipping on a vodka cranberry. “Who is on Gia’s radar?”

She rolled her eyes and shrugged. “Some guy from my history class, but eh…”

“Why?” I asked.

“I don’t want to live there forever. Once I graduate, I’m coming back.”

“Doesn’t hurt to take him for a spin, Gia,” Dani commented after throwing back the last drop of her drink. “Test the waters with some good ‘ol casual dating.”

“That’s on my agenda, but we’ll see how that goes.”

“Who knows,” I uttered, “maybe he’ll like you so much, he’ll follow you back to St. Claire!”

“Oh stop!” She grinned. “And drink some more!”

With everything that happened, it sent my mind into a frenzy—goint out with Dani and Gia was perfect. My mind was still reeling from that afternoon with Sabin, but this allowed me to just really enjoy the moment. Maybe it was all the endorphins making me feel so damn good, or the alcohol, or the music, or maybe a combination of all of those, but I spread my arms out and spun with my friends.

Gia made a good point. We were almost finished with school and we would soon have to think about what our next steps were. Was my step going to include going back home, or moving somewhere else? Was Sabin going to stay with me? I was feeling more confident about Sabin than anything else, which meant that once all the dancing was done I would have to devote some time to thinking about the future.

But for the moment, we had the music, the drinks, and the company I could never tire of.

Like all evenings that involved alcohol and a ridiculous amount of dancing, we all ended up back at our dorm to snack on all the things that comforted us.

Cheetos, pizza–just about anything greasy that we could pick-up or heat up in the microwave.

We had finally arrived at the moment in the evening/early morning where it was Dani’s turn to get grilled.

“What about you, Dani?” Gia asked.

“What about me?” she responded after stuffing a Cheeto puff in her mouth.

“What’s going on in your life? Alma tells me you’re dating again?”

We listened as Dani skipped around from story to story that involved Otto. Already we could tell that she was speaking about him with sincere emotion. We didn’t hear that with the other guy. That’s for sure. It made sense, really. Otto was genuinely kind and Dani deserved to be treated with respect. It was amazing to see her beaming with joy. I could even see Gia smiling from the corner of my eye. How could you not feel great when you saw your best friend happy?

“You look awfully smitten, Dani. It’s kind of gross,” I laughed, rubbing my forehead.

“Well, you can’t be having all the fun now, eh?” She sighed happily. “I really like him, but of course we’re not really dating, so it’s not like I can just sit around and hope it’ll be something, right?”

Gia shifted her position to her knees before tapping Dani’s leg. “You can ask him. Last thing you’d want is to be completely invested and the guy just keeps you around as a bedroom pet, ya know?”

Dani nodded, but before she even had a chance to think of her response over, we were interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on our door. It was nearly 2 AM. I knew that Sabin wasn’t going to be stopping by.

Dani, being closest to the door, got up and went to go see who was causing a commotion so late in the evening. We were pretty quiet, so it couldn’t have been a complaint! Regardless, Dani kept us in the dark even after she opened the door. She disappeared almost immediately and shut the door behind her. So much for being kept in the loop.

“You think it’s someone looking for booze?” Gia asked. “I think we’re out now…”

“Luckily, I don’t think people go door to door looking for booze. At least as far as I know,” I laughed. “But listen,” I motioned to the door again. “Dani isn’t yelling at anyone, so I think we’re fine.”

Gia nodded and climbed onto the desk chair Dani was sitting on before. “Who knows maybe it’s someone just wandering. You know how people get on the weekend. Or even better,” she sighed while leaning forward to rest her head on my shoulder. “Maybe it’s that pizza I thought about ordering…”

No one really knew at that moment, but it couldn’t have been bad if Dani didn’t slam the door. Who knew, maybe it was a message for her?

Danika Lace, one of my dearest friends, deserved nothing but the very best. Somewhere, I felt that things would really start turning around for her.

Until then, we would simply have to wait until she walked back inside.

Gen.10-Alma. Chapter Twenty Two

Weeks after our movie night, Dani appeared to get better. She sulked less and started dressing like herself again. By that I meant, with more effort than I ever put into my outfits during the week. I wasn’t going to take credit for anything, but I noticed that Dani’s change in attitude only became more apparent the more time she spent with Otto.

Yeah, I was going to take credit for that. She’d deny it, but when I looked up at her from the floor where I was sorting through my papers, I had every bit of proof I needed.

“So, Otto and I are heading to the arcade and to grab some beers. You in? Sabin’s welcome, of course.”

I cocked my head to the side and smirked. “You’re going out to the arcade?”

“Yeah,” she scoffed.

“With Otto.”

“Yeaaaaah,” she grinned. “Now, don’t say anything. I’m just going to let this play out. I mean, he even invited me to come visit his family with him.”

“Oh wow, that’s really good though. You like him, huh?”

Dani rolled her eyes, “Are you coming or not?”

I took a moment to think about it, but I just kept thinking about how Otto was already thinking about introducing Dani to his family and they weren’t even officially dating, as far as I knew. On my end, Sabin did meet my family, but it wasn’t often he talked to me about his family. Guess that stumped me for a second before I looked back up at Dani.

“Ah, I think we’ll pass this time. We planned on staying in and getting some studying done. I have an exam next week and he offered to help. Maybe next time? I’m pretty good at skeeball,” I smirked.

Dani didn’t seem convinced. “A night in, as in, you two are getting busy?”

“You make that joke every time,” I stated.

“And it never gets old.” Dani smirked and grabbed her coat. “Well, be safe with your studying!”

Before I even got a chance for a comeback, Dani was out the door.

It sounded funny to her and I’m sure to anyone who heard any of our conversations while passing by, but I guess I felt a little off. Now, I wasn’t holding back from having sex because I was terrified. I wanted to, believe me. Sabin was older than me, some would say significantly older, and I really loved him, more than anyone before. In fact, he was the first person I even considered sleeping with. In my head, I pictured the perfect moment where I would look attractive and be super smooth with my words. I didn’t want that dirty stuff, but the right set of words that would just make the moment perfect. Being that Sabin was older, I knew that he definitely had more experience than I did, so I didn’t want to come off as this inexperienced child. I hated that feeling but what if he would be super into it and I would just lay there like a pancake? I couldn’t handle that. Ugh. The thought made me tense, but I tried to shrug it off. Maybe it would just be easier to go ahead and study.

Later at Sabin’s place we spent a good hour going over our studies before we landed on the couch with the TV on. As usual, we had on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. The ridiculous antics of the group never failed to make us laugh. It was the perfect show to have on in the background.

“God damn rum ham…gets me every time,” Sabin chuckled.

I’ve seen that episode so many times and I still found it hilarious, but instead of watching Danny Devito on the screen, I stared at Sabin. I couldn’t stop thinking about him and well, who he was. As much as I already knew, I wanted to know more.

“You know, I can feel you staring at me, right? Do I have a booger hanging out of my nose?”

Half-snorting, I shook my head. “No, just thinking.”

Now apparently interested, Sabin paused the show and turned to face me. “Want to talk about it?”

I actually did.

“I already feel like I know a lot about you, but come to think of it I haven’t heard anything about your family. What are they like?” I smirked. “You basically know my family and they already love you…”

With a long sigh, he scratched his head. “Wow, where to begin. I have three sisters, all who are younger. So, I guess I’ve always been very protective of them, but they’re the same way with me, considering, well, you know…”

His PTSD.

“What are they like?”

I watched Sabin’s cool exterior soften the moment I asked him. “Leela is the oldest girl, but still 3 years younger than me. She’s definitely spirited. She’s the only kid in my family that settled down and got married. So far, at least.”

He soon shifted his position on the couch and sighed happily. “Then there’s Moli. She’s the middle sister who definitely has more of a rebellious side. Acting out and all that. She’s studying film in New York. She has spirit and it definitely helped having her around when I returned home after my deployment. She’s that spunky kid that keeps you distracted from the monsters in your head.”

“So far, I feel like I’d love all of them,” I uttered.

“That makes me really happy to hear, but wait till the third little lady.” He clicked his tongue and chuckled. “That’s Poppy. She’s the youngest and well, that about says it all. She’s quiet and kind, and I feel like I’m writing their dating profiles. Jesus.”

Amused, I leaned into him and kissed his cheek. “Well, they sound amazing. I’d love to meet them some day.”

“And I’d love that, too. Sorry, I didn’t bring it up. I’ve been trying to keep tabs on all this crap going on. Therapy, class, and wanting to seem normal enough for you.”

“Oh stop.”

“It’s true, though. My family means everything to me. Introducing you in person would be a big step considering the last time I had a serious relationship it ended up poorly. I mean, a real shitstorm.”

“What do you mean, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I don’t mind at all. It’s just, the second time I was deployed, I was engaged to a girl I knew since I was a little shit, you know? We were inseparable until the incident overseas and well, when I was diagnosed with PTSD. She couldn’t handle the episodes, the screaming, and the anxiety. She left me for a guy she was seeing while I was away…”

All this was new to me and it came crashing down like a cyclone.

It felt like a kick to the face, but it was nothing in comparison to what Sabin must have felt. All I knew was that I wouldn’t, no, I couldn’t even think of doing something like that to him.

“Sabin—I…”

He chuckled and wrapped his arm around my shoulder to bring me in closer against him. “So, as distant as I am sometimes, I want you to know I love you. I really enjoy the time we spend together like this. You’re beautiful and you make happier than I’ve been in years. The things you do to me,too,” he smirked when my face turned two shades of a deeper red. “Do you know that it’s hard not to kiss you when you make that face? Can’t keep my hands off you…”

“T-then don’t.”

I didn’t know what it was, Maybe it was the strength of his grip around me, or how intoxicating his breath was, but my heart was pounding incredibly strong in my chest to the point it could be heard how staggered my breathing was.

“Wow…are you okay?”

My next moves  weren’t too thought out. It didn’t look like something out of a romance novel. Not even close. I quickly wrapped my arms around him and kissed him with such passion that I could feel him flinch against me. He could have pushed me away, but his body reacted in response to mine with just as much emotion that ended up with his hand pushing against the small of my back to get me as close as I possible get.

“What’s going on here?” Sabin whispered against my lips before gently nipping at my lower lip.

Unable to answer, my hands crawled up his shirt. My fingers traced his muscles like braille and I found myself urging him to do the same to me. I wanted Sabin to touch me with a hunger that I could only imagine in my filthiest thoughts. I wanted him more than I could verbally admit, but I had to. He was surprised, but not rejecting my advances. I couldn’t pretend I knew exactly what I was doing anyway.

“Y-you keep doing this to me and I won’t be able to stop,” Sabin exhaled against my neck. His arms were snaked around me and already under my shirt where his hands found their way to my breasts.

“Please don’t. I want this, Sabin. Do you?”

He pulled away for a moment and nodded. “O-okay. Absolutely. Yeah…”

I felt like I was impressing him, especially since when we were making out, I could feel the bulge in his pants against my leg. God–I wanted so much for this to finally happen, but I felt like I would make a fool of myself unless I told Sabin that he was going to be my first.

“I just,” I groaned, “I just wanted to let you know that I haven’t done…”

My lips didn’t even have to utter the words to finish the sentence before Sabin got up from the couch, picking me up in that same motion.

“You want me to stop anything at any moment, you just let me know,” He said quietly. “If something doesn’t feel good, or if it does, just let me know…”

“It doesn’t bother you, though, that I haven’t had sex before?”

Sabin rolled his eyes. “All I care about– all that matters to me is you. No, it doesn’t bug me.”

I could feel his heavy breath against my chest when he returned his focus to what was going on between us. His sighs were deep as his hands traveled all over my back and down to my rear. Was I really doing that to him? I kind of liked that.

We ended up in his room and returned to our embrace, except this time while our lips were locked and traveling from each others mouths to our necks, and arms, we were working on stripping each other of our clothes. Sabin’s shirt went flying to the other side of his bedroom before he dropped to his knees to kiss my stomach while his quick fingers undid the buttons on my shorts.

Oh my god…

I held my breath in hopes that I wouldn’t let out a sound, but the way my body flinched was enough to give away how I was feeling.

“Good?”

Impatiently, I shimmied out of my shorts and kicked them out of the way. I did the same with my shirt, which finally left me exposed in front of him. I thought about this moment for the longest time. Standing in front of someone who I was ready to sleep with and it wasn’t just some smutty dream I was having. No, this was the real thing.

My face was red-hot, but I didn’t want to pause.

Sabin was still down on his knees, his lips grazing the edge of my panties while one of his hands pushed me closer into him. His hot breath against my skin resulted in goosebumps erupting all over my arms and legs, and especially my stomach. His light grazing turned into hot kisses from my stomach to between my legs. I could barely stand by then. I had to hold onto his head, doing my best not to pull his hair, before I was ushered to the edge of the bed.

“My god are you beautiful,” He smiled widely. “Every inch of you.”

“Words are nice, but why don’t you show me, and I’ll show you how much I like you, too.” My words were laced with lust of adrenaline-juiced hormones.  Even I turned red when I heard myself, but it only seemed to fuel Sabin’s desire to get closer to me. He seemed to enjoy it and I wanted every bit of him. I wanted to touch him, taste him–I moved back on the bed and watched him follow until my head was resting on his pillow and my face was cradled in his hands. He soon moved down to my breasts, nipping at my skin in between kisses. Each peck inched lower and lower…

“Ahh!”I exclaimed when I felt Sabin’s lips between my legs. Sure I touched myself, but what he was doing to me did not compare to the one-woman show.

I felt him flick his tongue, tasting my wetness. “Is that good? Let me know how much you like it,” he smirked, lowering his head back.

“O-oh god, Sa–”

“Come on…”

“S-Sabin, let me feel you…”

My body trembled under him when he crawled back on top of me. Before he even had a chance to confirm, again, if I really wanted to sleep with him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in close. My lips instantly found their way to his. I was more than ready for a lot of things with him, but this was something truly special. In the midst of the heat, I watched Sabin’s body. I observed every scar on his stomach and his arms. I couldn’t imagine loving anyone but him, not just in that moment, but every moment in between.

I knew in the back of my mind that it wouldn’t exactly be the best feeling at first. The pressure was rough, but Sabin took it slow until I began to relax.  It got better with each thrust of his hips into me, and with each touch. But what really mesmerised me was hearing Sabin moan. His forehead was beaded with sweat, but each time he looked in my eyes, he never fought back a smile.

“It’s not raining sweat on you, is it?” He chuckled, kissing my cheek.

“No,” I giggled.

Laughter aside, our bodies moved in sync that afternoon. Despite the occasional discomfort, I enjoyed every minute of it. I was lost in ecstasy with Sabin and I didn’t want to come back. Of course, unlike movies that talk about making love for hours on end, our time wasn’t quite that long. We were human after all, and we got tired. but it didn’t mean that we didn’t go back for seconds…and thirds. I didn’t think that I could get tired of him and all the ways he made me feel. Physically, he satisfied me in every way I could think of. Emotionally, I loved him and I wanted him to always know that. I didn’t know every detail of his previous relationship, but I would never give up on him. What we had was a partnership, and I would stand by him. Always.

When we finally decided to slow down, we still didn’t get dressed or even think of leaving his bedroom. Instead we watched each other and basked in the moment of what just happened.

“How are you feeling?” Sabin asked, playing with a strand of my hair.

“Mmm, tired, but great.”

“Did you want to get any of that studying done?”

Of course that was a joke, but I still shook my head and nestled against him.

“Frankly, I’m just going to enjoy being near you while not thinking about studying, or what I’m going to tell Dani when she asks how my afternoon was.”

“You think she’d know?”

I sat up. Oh, if only he knew.

“Dani will know the moment I step in the room. My face always gives it away, I’m sure. Plus, we have a 6th sense type of thing when it comes to stuff like this. We’re basically sisters at this point. We’ve come to know the norm, but this?” I pointed to his body and then my own. “This she will know immediately.”

Intrigued, Sabin reached over to take my hand in his, “What would you say about this then?”

“A review?”

He snorted. “Whatever you’d call it.”

“A great experience with a man I love,” I paused and shifted my position, “that may result in some soreness tomorrow.”

Before Sabin could utter another word, we heard the door to their apartment slam shut.

“Yo, Sabin! You here?” It sounded like Dani and Otto’s arcade date ended earlier than anticipated.

“Uh, yeah…?”

“Alma with you?”

Not how I pictured this.

Sabin quickly slipped into his jeans and stuck his head out from him room. “What’s up?”

I couldn’t see what Otto’s expression was, but I could only imagine what I would be hearing later.

“Uh…sorry to interrupt, but Dani has been blowing up Alma’s phone for the last 4 hours.”

While Sabin was talking with Otto, I sprang from the bed and worked on picking up my clothes from the floor. I didn’t even try to keep it down. Otto already knew I was there.

“Hey Alma! Having fun?” I heard him say, half-chuckling.

“Uh-huh! Can you text Dani that I’ll get back to her soon?”

I was frazzled to say the least when I finally got my clothes on and ran out of the room to yank my phone out of my backpack.

58 texts.

5 Facebook messages.

2 phone calls.

All from Dani.

“Oops,” I winced at the sight of my poor phone blown up with notifications. I did my best to scroll through all the messages, but I kept seeing:

“BITCH! GET OVER HERE!”

Clearly, it was something of a significant importance. How could I tell? The phone calls. Dani never calls unless the Earth is shattering. At this point I was slightly worried, so I ran back to Otto, gave him a quick hug, and wrapped my arms around Sabin before giving him a quick peck on the lips.

“Love you! I’m so sorry, but I have to go see what’s going on with Dani!”

Was the campus on fire? Did I miss a fight?

Oh my god.

Did she kill my plant?

At this point, I quickened my pace into a legitimate run.

God, I hoped everything was okay…

Gen.10-Alma. Chapter Twenty One

“Did you buy out the grocery store?” Dani asked when I came back to the dorm. My arms were overflowing with bag of chips and candy.

When I set our goodies down on my bed, I saw that Dani had changed. She was put together and looking like her regular self. Damn. If only I could pull that off after pulling all-nighters while tending to my plants.

I shrugged and wandered over to the fridge for a beer. “I don’t mess around when it comes to snacks. You’ve known me forever. The Wells—we’re taught to go over the top.”

She laughed and reached for a pack of sour skittles. “I know, I know. Plus you know I’ll end up eating half this shit.”

“And you won’t even gain an ounce, you jerk!” I joked, although it was true. I’ve never seen anyone eat so many sweets and not gain weight, or even break out from all the sugar! If I even breathed in the sweet aroma of bacon, I could feel myself gain weight. A joke, of course.

As we were getting closer to the boys’ arrival, I worked on getting our movie-watching area comfy. I threw down pillows and moved seats around for a prime viewing experience. But while I worked, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Dani was pacing until she decided to sit down.

“Are you breaking in a new pair of shoes?” I asked jokingly. “Really, though, are you okay?”

Dani scratched her head and groaned. “Um, please don’t tell me you’re doing this out of pity…”

I shook my head.

“You sure you didn’t tell Sabin about what happened and you felt sorry for me?”

“Pretty sure I just want my best friend to watch some movies with me. Also, you won’t be a third wheel, or anything like that.”

That caught her interest for sure. Rather than asking me to explain, she stared at me with her hands flat in her lap.

“Sabin’s friend, Otto, didn’t have any plans for today, so I offered to have him join us as well. Thought it would be nice to have more people. Nothing better than poking fun at ridiculous movies, right?”

“Again,” Dani started, “this isn’t because you feel bad?”

I nodded. “Exactly.”

Dani couldn’t get another word in when I heard a knock on the door. Perfect timing, so I didn’t waste any time letting the boys in. They were equipped with the movies and their smiling faces. Otto was standing behind Sabin, but since he was taller than him, he couldn’t exactly hide.

“Nice to see you again, Otto!” I grinned. “So glad you could make it.”

“Well, when Sabin mentioned you were going to watch Mars Attacks, I had to be there. Tim Burton aliens—yeah, truly a classic.”

Once the guys walked in and managed to make themselves comfortable, I motioned to Otto for him to come meet Dani. He walked right up and held out his hand for her to shake. I didn’t even have a chance to say anything before he spoke.

“I’m Otto, by the way. I might have seen you a few times, but never got a chance to say hi.”

“Danika, but you can call me Dani.”

“Nice to meet you, Dani. You ready to crash this movie night? I’ll warm all of you know that I am notorious for incorrectly narrating character lines.”

Dani snorted. “Oh god. Like those classical art memes?”

He nodded and pointed to Sabin. “He loves going to museums with me.”

Sabin rolled his eyes and gave us thumbs up. “The shit that comes out of his mouth is outstanding.”

The energy in the room was definitely a lot more relaxed. Everyone was chatting and having a good time. I had no doubt that Dani was heartbroken, but at least she was in good company. Sometimes we all needed a distraction to help get through sad times. That didn’t change the fact that I wanted to kick Saul’s ass.

Eventually we ended up actually getting to the movies. We were all seated in front of the TV and took turns commenting on the ridiculous dialogue, or sometimes even making up some of our own narrations. They were often so good that I had a hard time enjoying our snacks.

Otto leaned forward and did his best falsetto. “Well, I do admit that the dog’s body suits her personality. Frankly, I like her more like that!”

“My god!” I exclaimed before Sabin pat me on the back. “Ugh! Thank you. Otto, I swear I’ll choke if you don’t stop!”

He shrugged and messed with my hair. “That’s okay. Sabin is certified to save you. But if I’m really so funny, I’ll just share with Dani so Sabin doesn’t have to worry about you choking.”

Dani furrowed her brow and sat up. “You know, all this talk of choking makes me want to say something dirty, but ya know…”

I quickly threw my pillow at Dani before the color of my face caught up. “Filthy!”

Sabin had to join in laughing. Yeah-yeah, it was funny and we basically walked right into that one. Amazing. But that what was what I really liked—I loved how freely we could laugh and enjoy the moment. I only hoped that Dani was having a great time as well. I watched her laugh and talk with Otto. They were certainly on a roll with making fun of the movies we watched. I lost track of how many times Sabin had to smack me on the back to make sure I didn’t choke on a pretzel.

Time flew by and before we knew it, it was midnight.

“Wow, we definitely got through a few movies,” Otto commented looking at the stack of DVDs on the floor.

Sabin nodded and shifted his position to look back at Dani and Otto. “You ladies want to call it a night? Get some rest before classes start back up again?”

I shrugged and glanced at Dani. “We can certainly hang out tomorrow, but sleep sure does sound nice.”

Once we agreed to finish up with our movie night, the boys helped us clean up before heading back to their apartment. Every little bit helped because once the sleepies kicked it, it was difficult to do anything!

“Alma,” Dani started while I started throwing pillows off my bed.

“What’s up?”

When she didn’t answer, I looked up to find her right beside me, ready to wrap her arms around me.

“Thank you for tonight. Just—thank you.”

My arms wrapped tightly around her as I sighed happily. “I’m so glad you had a good time. That’s the fun you should be having, not dealing with some little shit.”

She snorted before giggling. “Oh man, you’re right about that. But in all seriousness, you’re not going to go sneak into Sabin’s bed right now? Lord, the way he looks at you even when you’re choking on snacks. It’s incredible!”

I shoved her playfully and rolled my eyes. “Oh hush!”

Gen.10-Alma. Chapter Twenty

Before I knew it, my holiday break was over and it was time to get on a plane and head back to campus. As much as I loved my time spent with family, I was extremely excited to see Dani back at our dorm since she was spending the holiday break with her boyfriend, Saul, and his family. Guess things were also moving along well for her with her relationship and I couldn’t wait to hear all about it. I half-expected for her to be off with Saul at his place, but Dani was actually in our room seated on her bed with a pillow in her lap.

“My sista!” I exclaimed and threw down my bag. “I’ve missed you! Tell me everything! You’ve been radio silent this entire time!”

Which was odd, by the way.

It wasn’t till I got closer to her that I noticed how swollen her eyes were. I immediately dropped my playful demeanor and rushed to her side. If there was anything that set me into full Mama-Bear mode it was knowing something was wrong with my friends.

Dani only looked down and mumbled incoherently. Her speech soon became riddled with her heavy sobs.

My arm quickly found its way to her back, so I could soothe her any way I could.

“Hey,” I whispered, “what’s going on? Was your trip no good?”

Dani snorted and looked up. “Alma, there was no trip.”

“Where were you then?” Heck, she could have come spend the break with my family.

“Visited family…”

“Well that’s good, but weren’t you supposed to go see—”

“Nope. Not once I found out he was fucking some freshman.”

“Woah, what. Hold on. WHAT?”

Dani took her time explaining since she had to take breaks to sniffle and apologize (no matter how many times I told her it was necessary). She never caught him in the act. She never noticed anything pop up on his phone. Nothing. There was nothing that would be stereotypically assumed of a cheater. Saul actually approached her and said it to her face. The nerve!

She wiped her eyes and sighed. “He told me that he was seeing someone else and that he cared about her. He’d rather introduce her to his family than me. I mean,” She winced as the words were forming. “Is there something so wrong with me that he doesn’t even want to consider introducing me to his family? Why did he suggest it? Why did he invite me before?”

I placed my arm around her and pulled her in close before she started wheezing as her questions quickened. One followed the other till she was crying again. It was hard to see her like this, because Dani always carried herself in such a way that made her seem impenetrable.

We were only human.

For a while I didn’t say anything. I just hugged her and listened because I could tell she needed to talk. Sometimes it was incoherent, but it was her expression and I was going to be there for as long as she wanted me to be there. After a while she stopped sniffling and sighed slowly.

“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” She asked quietly.

“Absolutely not,” I replied. “You’re a kind and courageous woman. You rock colored hair like it’s nobodies business and you’re someone your siblings look up to. You’re amazing. Things didn’t work out with Saul because—” I paused. “His head is so far up his ass he can’t see what a mistake he made. That only means that he’s not the guy for you, and that’s okay, because that means you’re going through the duds till you find that right person who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.”

She did her best to smile. “You mean like a ‘Sabin’?”

I shrugged. “Could be like a Sabin. You know, speaking of which, we were going to have a movie night. I figured you’d be out tonight, but why don’t you join us?”

Dani’s eyebrows raised. “Um, you sure? Aren’t you two going to get all naughty and stuff?”

I fought the blush and shook my head. Sabin and I hadn’t actually been quite that physical yet, but I wasn’t going to get into that.

“No,” I smirked. “Just movies and junk food. I have a lot of comedies lined up and B-Horror movies…”

“Mmm, I guess I don’t see why not,” Dani smiled. “Thanks, Alma.”

“What are sisters for?” I grinned.

As much as I wanted to be by her side every second that day, I knew she needed her space as well. I used that time to catch up with what was going on around campus. The snow was light this year, so the ultimate Frisbee team was still going at it when they weren’t trying to have “epic” snowball fights. In the quad, there were always activists handing out flyers about the next events they were going to host. They were passionate and very free-spirited. It was awesome to see them participating in important events and speaking about circumstances that would affect many people.

While I walked around campus, I took in all the sights of everyone returning to their routines, so naturally, I returned to mine. Like an instinct, I walked down the winding paths to my safe haven, the best place to get a damn good cup of coffee.

“Didn’t take you too long to stop by,” the barista laughed once I approached the counter. “Same thing?”

I nodded. “You can’t go wrong with the usual.”

The conversations I had with the barista were always excellent. I never left without having a good laugh with them, even more so on that day when I was startled at the feel of a hand on my shoulder. Luckily I didn’t have a drink in my hand, otherwise it would have gone flying.

“Boo?” Sabin cackled. “Oh, you’re very jumpy before you have your coffee.”

“I thought you’d know that by now,” I smirked before reaching on the tips of my toes to give him a quick peck on the cheek. “When did you get in?”

“Late last night,” he replied. “Still on or movie night? I picked up the movies.”

Since I spent the majority of the morning with Dani, I failed to let Sabin know what happened, so once I got my drink, we moved to sit at a table. After I explained the situation, I watched Sabin’s expression soften. I didn’t know why I expected him to not be on board with the idea of having Dani with us. It was Sabin after all. The moment I introduced him to my friends, he was extremely friendly. He was a great person all around and it didn’t matter if he knew the person for years or if it was someone who he had just met. He treated everyone with equal respect. For a moment we sat in silence until I had a light bulb moment.

“What’s up?”

“Why don’t you invite Otto to join us?”

Sabin smirked and nodded. “Sure. I don’t think he has any plans tonight, so I’ll ask him.”

Now, I wasn’t trying to set anything up. I simply wanted good company for a movie night, but I guess I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t hoping for some sort of spark. Otto was one of the nicest people I had ever met. He was with Sabin for a long time. They had gone through a lot together, so it certainly said something special about him. I loved Dani like a sister, so I only wanted her to be happy. At least if Otto was there for our movie night, it wouldn’t seem so much like her being a third wheel.

Who knew, maybe the move night would prove to be the right distraction for Dani. If she ended up having a great time and making a new friend in the process, then how could any of that go wrong?

All I ever wanted was to know my friends were happy and if there was anything that I could do, then well…

I would do it.

[Author’s Note: To my readers in the good ‘ol USA: Happy Independence Day 🙂 ]

Gen.10-Alma. Chapter Nineteen

Life is created as well as extinguished in a blink of an eye. That’s something I knew to never take for granted. In my young life, I’ve seen many lives form and grow, but unfortunately, I’ve seen and felt the pain of loss. I think that’s what really struck me when Sabin finally met my family.

I could see in the scene before me that I couldn’t see myself with anyone but him. He fit in perfectly within the craziness of the Wells. By no means were any of us perfect, especially me. We had our flaws, but we still came together.

The moment Sabin entered my family’s home , he was welcomed in with open arms. I barely had a moment with him! My family was excited and loud, like always. There was no discomfort, not even from my Dad. Mom was already doing her best to fatten him up with appetizers that she made. I wouldn’t fight back either because her cooking was out of this world!

But the best part had to be watching Sabin interact with my younger siblings. There was something so special about watching them, because it helped me see just how well we all fit together.

“Are you going to join us, or just watch us?” Oren laughed while Sabin was already spinning Jax around.

I had to join in, of course, because how could I pass up on all the fun that they were having.

Meeting my parents was just as smooth as meeting the rest of the family. Unbelievable, because I had this huge elaborate speech planned to explain to them why I loved him so much.

My parents were so kind, although I honestly wasn’t too surprised at that.

My dad even asked if Sabin wanted a drink, and that was from his special stash. Man, even I wasn’t offered that whiskey. Dad said it would be saved for a special occasion, like my wedding, or something like that.

So, it was a good sign for Sabin.

While Sabin was being socialized, I walked around the house to greet family as they arrived. Christmas was a little light this year at the Wells house since Grandma and Grandpa bought a house in France. Guess their hearts would always bring them back there. But Aunt Arecia and Shuyin were there, which was really nice.

Speaking of which—

“You did not mention what a looker he is!” Aunt Arecia giggled, yanking me to the side. “So you think it’s serious?”

My face was undeniably hot. Like, eight shades darker than my natural skin tone hot. Yikes.

“I mean, we’ve been dating for a while now. I wouldn’t call it just a fling, if that answers your question.” I hoped that would satisfy her inquiry because I couldn’t handle any more seriousness until I actually talked to Sabin about everything.

The day was full of the usual festivities: playing, drinking, and of course eating a sinful amount of food. When Mom cooked, it was to be expected that we would have leftovers for a good week, if not longer. As usual, everyone was basically in a food coma after eating a holiday meal at our house. That’s usually when everyone went his or her separate ways before doing anything else. Sabin ended up joining me in my room. It was actually the first time he ever saw my room.

“So this is where hung out before college, huh?” He chuckled, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, lazily.

I shrugged, leaning into him. “I supposed you could say that. This was my escape when I wasn’t at Dani’s house, or her parents’ restaurant. When my siblings got older, it was pretty tough to hide in my room. Oren and Jax would hide in my room trying to avoid whatever they were supposed to do.”

Sabin laughed and wandered over to the center of my room. “Sounds like brothers.”

“You have only sisters, right?”

He nodded. “I was the big bad wolf when they started dating.”

“You? A big bad wolf?” I couldn’t help but laugh. I followed him and circled around to face him. “No way.”

He rolled his eyes and stepped closer to me, so our height difference cast a shadow on my face. “Oh, you have no idea.”

I knew he was trying to be somewhat serious, but I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. When he joined in it was that much more difficult to stop laughing, especially when his manly cackle faded into a few light “he-he’s”. I loved that about him. I loved how he made me laugh and I love how he would let loose with me.

“I,” I laughed freely,” I love you!”

It wasn’t until I was gasping for air that I had realized what I said.

Sabin cleared his throat and quickly straightened out. “What was that?

Well, I wasn’t going to take it back. Not then and honestly, not ever.

“I love you,” I repeated. “I fucking love you, Sabin.”

Those plump lips of his parted to show me the smile I never got tired of seeing. The wider it grew, the more I wanted to say it.

I love you.

I love you.

I’m ridiculously in love with you.

“You’re a spontaneous woman, aren’t you?” He laughed before grabbing hold of my wrist. His grip was firm, but his skin was on fire. While I cooled down, I felt him pull me in closer to him till our faces were only centimeters apart. I was never that close to him without kissing him. Even when I tried, he gently pulled me back, but kept me close.

“I love you too, sunshine. You’ve brought back a feeling I didn’t think could return.”

While my heart pounded against my chest, I launched myself forward to finally kiss him. How could I not love him and do everything I could to make his day brighter? He was honestly my light, my partner in crime, and everything I could have hoped for in a partner. He was my special someone—that someone that we hope to meet when we’re younger.

By the time we were finished telling each other how much we loved each other it was time for presents. It was always fun watching my siblings open up their gifts to see their faces light up at the sight of something they had asked for. They were genuinely thankful and very excited to play. But while gifts were fun, I couldn’t help but hold onto Sabin’s hand. That holiday was something more precious to me than any gift. Cheesy as it sounded, having Sabin with us that year was the best present I could have asked for.

Knowing my family liked Sabin was all I could ask for.

Telling Sabin I loved him and hearing it in return…there was no greater joy.

“Next year,” Sabin whispered against my neck when he leaned in, “I’d like for you to come to my family’s holiday dinner.”

Next year? My heart would never stop fluttering with them.

He saw more years with me!

“I couldn’t ask for a better holiday,” I smirked in response.

[Author Note: I was hoping to have pictures this time, but Sims 3 knows how to break all the time, haha. I’m working on a fix every now and then…when I find some time. But at least this chapter is done. I’ve reworked Alma’s story a little bit, so hopefully this will move forward with little delay. Thank you, again, for staying with me. Please bear with me while I try to figure out this weird issue with my game 😀 I hope you enjoyed this short chapter! Can’t wait to post again! ❤ ]

 

 

Gen.10-Alma. Chapter Sixteen

Sabin’s Point of View

I forced my way back home, treading through grass and along sidewalks where I planned on continuing the date. Guilt ate at me like heartburn that I couldn’t settle. Alma was left to return to her dorm without the date even coming to a proper end. There were plans to get ice cream from the Irish parlor they had only ten minutes away, but the incessant ringing in my pant pocket reminded me that I wasn’t yet allowed that flexibility.

“How was it, man?” Otto asked. His body turned in the couch and his head rested on the cushion.

All I could do then was whip my phone out of my pocket and sigh.

He knew what I was doing.

My room was a mess. Clothes were sprawled all over a bed that hadn’t been made in weeks. On the bright side of things not going too, too well on my date: I wouldn’t have brought Alma over to see the pig sty. As the alarm on my phone sounded again, I grabbed my laptop and brought it to my desk.

After logging in, the calendar application didn’t waste time in reminding me that I missed a call from NCRodriguez151. Quickly before the pop-up came up again to tell me it had been ten minutes, I clicked on the username and waited for the dial tone to connect me.

An image of a woman in a blazer showed up on my screen. Mine was a small box in the corner, but to her it was blown up. She could probably read my disappointment in every crease on my face.

“I was starting to get worried, Sabin,” she began. I saw her flip to a new page in her notepad. The notepad that she had marked “Sabin McKenna”.

“Sorry.”

“Well, as long as you’re here. I was just curious since you’ve never been late—not even by a minute—to our appointments.”

She was right. Then again, I couldn’t remember the last time I went on a date. Better yet: the last time I actually felt something for someone.

“How’s your medication, Sabin?” She asked, quickly scribbling down notes. The scratching of her pencil on the notepad startled me.

I glanced at the orange bottles on my nightstand. The sight of them made my stomach turn. Those tiny pills were aids that left him feeling dependent. Some days when the nightmares were too much, I took them. When the nightmares stopped, I looked the other way.

“You should be running out in the next few days. I’m going to write you a new prescription, okay? You can pick it up at the university pharmacy. I know they have Zoloft on them. Have the nightmares been okay? Easing up a bit with the new dosage?”

I sometimes wanted to break down and tell her like I did the first time we met. There were many dreams that tormented me, but it was always the face of Captain Williams that never let me be. He told us to watch each other’s back when crossing the field. The chances of mines being in the field just—

“I sense you want to change the topic.”

“Sorry I was late,” I finally said. I figured it would be appropriate.

“As long as you’re okay,” she smiled. “I get the feeling this appointment pulled you away from something?”

Now I couldn’t hold back a small smile. I remembered her smile and the way that her hair brushed against an exposed shoulder. It was Carmen all over again only this time I didn’t feel like I was only seen as a military brat. This time a woman appeared to feel something for me without knowing what happened. This time, she didn’t know what I did. My weird quirks were somehow forgiven, but I didn’t know how long I could keep it up.

“That girl,” I started, “that I meet at the café after some of our appointments.”

“Alma, am I right?” She asked.

I nodded after shifting my laptops position. “I took her out tonight.”

I caught Dr. Rodriguez scribbling away on her notepad. Knowing her for years, I established this as her thinking it was an important move in my treatment. My stability with Carmen, the last woman to be intimate with me, was questionable. Things weren’t left off right, because when I hoped for a future with her, her dreams were somewhere else. Somewhere that didn’t include me in the picture.

The thought irked me, so I leaned back in my chair and ran my hands along my short hair. There wasn’t much that I could do once I’d be forced to tell Alma everything. I never liked secrets, and if this somehow ended up developing into something more, then how could I keep her in the dark? I’d scare her. I should have done this a long time ago. Honestly, telling her was one of my “healing” assignments, but when I saw her face each night, I couldn’t tear her away from talking about her day to telling her that I watched my squad captain get blown up by a landmine.

I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Dr. Rodriguez looked at the screen and her lips parted in a small smile. “And you’ve told her about your PTSD, correct? It takes a lot to bring something like that up, and even more to be strong and supportive of someone going through what you’re going through.”

Through clenched teeth, I nodded. “Had to.”

Unfortunately, I had a hard time following these assignments when my mind was more mesmerized by Alma’s smile than the twisted mess inside my head.

But I knew I would have to.

Someday. Somehow.

I’d tell Alma everything there was to know about Sabin McKenna.

~*~

Author’s Note: Thank you for reading ❤ 🙂 That’s one. Also, thank you for sticking by this story even though I haven’t been able to update it frequently! I intend on finishing this legacy, however at this point it may be without pictures.

I’m graduating this semester. Woohoo! Finally getting my degree in English!  I’m pretty excited, but also experiencing a very hectic life.

I also actually took on my first freelance project that involved me writing web content for a new company website, so that’s been pretty exciting. Now that’s coming to an end and I have another project that will require me to write the backstory and dialogue for a video game that a Video Game Design class is working on at school. I’m extremely thrilled about that, because I applied for the writer’s position and got the spot. I’m honestly so excited to be working on this type of stuff! Ahhh! Well that’s just a little update from me.

Thanks for sticking with me! ❤

-Olga

Gen.10-Alma. Chapter Fifteen

When plans are made, the days in between seem to drag. It’s actually quite annoying how that happens. Classes seem much longer, sleep doesn’t seem to end soon enough, and texts don’t arrive fast enough. I didn’t see much of Sabin since that night, but instead of him dropping off the face of the earth, like last time, he promised to keep in touch via text.

Done with class?

            Seen at 6:50 PM

 

I waited for a response patiently when the day finally came. No plans were discussed just yet about our date. Part of me figured he’d have it figured out, but maybe it also meant that he was going to cancel plans last minute. I mean, 7 was already getting pretty late to do stuff aside from just going to the café and sitting there till the sun would come up. It was a Friday night, so if I spent the next day in bed, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Sure, Dani would give me some crap about it, but that wouldn’t be the worst.

Not going to answer? I looked down at my phone and tried to summon what mystical powers I wanted to make the message pop up on the screen. Oooh, come on! Come on! Don’t make a girl wait like this!

 

I can meet you by your dorm if you’re ready. Hopped in the shower first—sorry 4 wait

 

***

It only took me 15 minutes to finish getting ready once I knew Sabin was on his way. The added pressure really got me moving. If only Dani could see me rushing to pull up my tights and boots without even toppling over onto the floor. Ah, she’d never believe me. When I was ready I grabbed my keys and walked out of the room. Knowing us, there was a chance we’d stay out late, so I didn’t want to wake up Dani with my knocking.

“Hey,” I said, walking downstairs where Sabin was leaning against the wall. “Sorry it took me a little while. Dani borrowed this shirt before and well, ya know…”

“That’s fine,” he shrugged and motioned for me to follow him out the door. “Luckily where we’re going, time isn’t really important.”

“It’s the café, isn’t it?” I laughed as I followed. I stayed close, but I wasn’t sure what it was I wanted to do. Do I linger close, or do I keep my distance. Do I brush up against him or go straight for his hand?

Sabin turned around so he could face me. Ah, walking backwards? That’s a no for the hand.

“You think I’m that predictable?” He asked, his hand reaching out for mine. Bingo.

I took his hand without thinking twice. “Well, I wouldn’t say predictable, but I mean, what else did we ever do together?”

“Exactly,” he sighed, “I thought it would be nice for us to do something different. As much as I enjoy our talks at the café, I wanted to actually take you out.”

 

Neither of us said anything about it, but even without speaking I felt fine. It was good to be walking with him. To say I had feelings for Sabin was well, the least of it. I never really felt close to any of the men I met at school. Not in college. Not in high school. Sabin was my best friend. We talked and actually had meaningful conversations. None of it felt repetitive or just mindless. With Sabin, I wanted to listen to him talk, and I actually wanted to hear things about him. I wanted to learn about what made him who he was. It was the first time I wanted to know more. Before I really knew it we were away from campus and on our way to a camp ground that I only really heard about. It overlooked our campus. Dani told me about it; Saul took her there once.

“Did I take you by surprise?” He asked. “The date, that is…”

“I don’t see you for days, don’t hear from you for days,” I exhaled and leaned back on my palms, feeling the thin blades of grass between my fingers. “And then you just come back and ask me out?”

“You got me,” he groaned, lying down on the hill. “Asking was the easy part. I-I didn’t really plan on it happening that day, but I had to redeem myself somehow after being gone so long…”

We sat in silence for a while. The clouds were keeping out of the way for now, which was quite the rare occurrence. The sky was lit up by the stars. It was one those sights that really just left one speechless. I looked over at Sabin from time to time who looked more than content. I remembered the first time I really talked to him at the café. He approached me, telling me he’d seen me all over campus and finally worked up the courage to talk to me. Two months later we started spending time together outside of the café. We still drank coffee, we still talked, but it was all strictly as friends though it would have been foolish to ignore the electricity I felt between us.

“Why was that the easy part?” I finally asked.

“Hmm?”

“Why was asking me out on a date the easy part?”

“It was the domino effect, Alma,” he said. “I pushed myself to do it because then I would have no choice but to tell you what I thought of when I saw you each night.”

“And what would that be?” I fished for more.

“How great I think you are, and how alive I feel again. Even in silence, I feel so…”

“I understand it.” I slid down the hill and stopped when I was next to him. That entire night, and every night before when I first felt that electric buzz in the pit of my stomach, I wondered what his lips tasted like. Experience? He was eleven years older than I was after all. Did they taste like what that night felt like? I always blushed when I thought like that. I never thought of anyone that way, with such intimacy. Everything with Sabin felt new. To Dani it was completely normal, but this was intense. I trembled thinking about him, but steadied myself when I felt my hand brush against his firm shoulder.
I smiled the entire time. “Thanks for asking, Sabin.”

“Yeah, well, you’ve given this old man a reason to stay up late,” he chuckled and reached to drape his arm around my shoulder.

In my head I felt the end of our date coming to an end and I had to picture what would happen. Would he walk me back to my place and just stand there awkwardly? Would we finally lock lips? Ugh the possibilities were there, but all we were missing was the moment. I couldn’t wait.

I had to wait.

I bowed my head and glanced at him.

At first he reached over and cupped my chin in his hand like a child sheltering an injured bird. It wasn’t enough. He shifted his weight around so he could free his hand, planting the newly freed hand on the other side of my face. In all that time he never said a word. There was nothing between us that lingered as coherent words. Our staggered breaths were the only present noise before Sabin kissed me. Sabin’s pained sigh was the other sound he made when I kissed him back.

I would’ve kept going if it hadn’t been for his phone ringing from the inside of his pant pocket.

“Shiiit,” he sighed and rubbed his thumb down the side of my face. “I was just beginning to really enjoy the silence.”

“Do you have to go?” I asked, hoping he’d forget about whatever he had to do just so he’d kiss me again and just pour fuel onto the fire brewing inside me. Wow…

His look mirrored my own disappointment. I could see it as he fiddled around with his phone. Any other person who would tell me they had to go wouldn’t have hesitated so much. Sabin looked at me while clutching his phone. “I wish I didn’t, but I have an–” he stopped himself to reach behind his head to rub his neck.

Even if we couldn’t continue our evening or even have it end with him walking me back to the door where he’d look me in the eyes, I felt that he didn’t mean to cut our evening so short. After all, he took me all the way off campus. Disappointment flared again.

“Skype appointment,” he smiled halfheartedly. His hand slowly reached to touch mine. “I’d skip it, but I honestly shouldn’t miss it.”

I looked up away from his phone and glance at him. “What?”

“And I’m hoping we can reschedule this,” he cleared his throat,”this date.”

I wanted to agree, but I knew I’d just be going along with whatever he said. I wasn’t that type of person, right? Trying to come together with some witty comeback that still left me feeling not quite as defeated as that stupid phone call made me feel, I shifted my weight before getting up from the grass. As I offered my hand, to help him up, I shrugged.

“What do you say to that?” Sabin asked.

“Well, I’ll say yes as long as next time you tell me more about yourself and not get snatched away by Skype appointments, eh? What about next time you fill me in rather than build up your mysterious facade,” I said with a smirk.

He rubbed his arm and chuckled. “You have a deal.”